


Gooddbye

by providing_leverage



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Episode: s03e08-09 Human Nature/Family of Blood, Gen, The TARDIS Does What She Wants, The Tenth Doctor says goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29900934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/providing_leverage/pseuds/providing_leverage
Summary: The plan is Rose next, Rose last. Then he can die having seen her one last time. It’ll have to be before he meets her and in some inconspicuous public place so she won’t notice him. She’d always done that, seen him. Even when he’d been trying to hide.The dying Tenth Doctor gives these parameters to the TARDIS, trusting her to find him a suitable place to say goodbye. He steps out the door expecting twenty first century London.It’s not what he gets.
Kudos: 2





	Gooddbye

The plan is Rose next, Rose last. Then he can die having seen her one last time. It’ll have to be before he meets her and in some inconspicuous public place so she won’t notice him. She’d always done that, seen him. Even when he’d been trying to hide. 

The dying Tenth Doctor gives these parameters to the TARDIS, trusting her to find him a suitable place to say goodbye. He steps out the door expecting twenty first century London.

It’s not what he gets. 

“This isn’t Rose.” He tells him ship crossly, who hums in acknowledgment and uncaring. “I don’t have time for this!”

When the TARDIS makes it clear that this is the next stop and they won’t be visiting Rose until he does something here, the Doctor steps out into the dark countryside. England, he’s pretty sure. More specifically 1913, behind the cottage owned by the Cartwright family.

“Oh,” The Doctor murmurs to himself, understanding now why the TARDIS had brought him here, who he needed to say goodbye to here.

Martha, the nurse, and the boy whose name the Doctor didn’t feel like trying to remember would be in the front of the house, so he goes in the back window. It would be much easier if he wasn't dying.

Laying on the floor and wishing he had just gone past Martha and possibly created a paradox instead, the Doctor blinks up at the pale shocked face of John Smith. His own face.

“Hello.” The Doctor says, because what else is there to say?

“You’re the Doctor.” Smith says with conviction. “Are you here to kill me?”

“No. I’m here because my ship thinks she knows best.”

They sit on the floor, two identical men, both dying, one holding a stopwatch.

“I’m afraid.” Smith admits, gaze focused on the watch cupped in his hands. “So afraid. I don’t want to die.”

_ And I do?  _ The Doctor thinks, but keeps quiet for once. This isn’t about him. 

“I don’t want to become you. The dreams I had, the stories I wrote? That’s not me. I’m a teacher, I have a life. A future. Love, maybe. You didn’t give your assistant a plan for falling in love. What sort of man doesn't account for love?” the last part is murmured despairingly.

He doesn't remember much from his time as John Smith in the way of memories, certainly doesn't remember this meeting, but the Doctor remembers feelings. He remembers enough of John Smith’s growing feelings for Nurse Redfern that he had invited her to be his companion. 

“Someone whose hearts were broken.” the Doctor says, because back when he’d made the decision to become human he’d still been mourning Rose like a lost limb. Ironic, since it was his lost limb that eventually allowed her to be with him, if not him with her. “Someone who couldn’t imagine ever loving another person again.”

_ I hate you,  _ he suddenly wants to say.  _ I’ve never been afraid to die before, not like this. It isn’t natural for a Time Lord. What I’m feeling now is just a memory of my human fear at the idea of death,  _ your  _ fear. _

“Why should I do this?” Smith asks, ignoring him. “Why should I have to die for you?”

“Because if you don’t, a lot of people are going to die. It’s hard for you to care about all the people in the future that I saved and you will save, but these people here? The people you know? They are all dead unless you open that stopwatch.”

Smth snarls, “They are only here because of your cowardness. If you hadn’t come, none of this would have happened. I would never exist and thus would never have to die. Joan wouldn’t have to lose another person.”

They would make a good pair, Joan and John. Sharp and able to hit where it hurt, the both of them. “It wasn’t cowardness, it was mercy. My mercy always seems to get me into trouble.” It was the reason he was dying now, after all.

  
  


“How can running be a mercy? Ah, never mind. I’ll find out soon enough.”

“So you’ll do it then?”

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I? You’re here and you’re me.”

With enough time the Doctor might be able to do something. Find a way to keep Joan and John together, like him and Rose in that alternate universe. But he doesn't have time. 

“Will you stay with me?” John asks, looking at him pleadingly.

Even if he’d never feared death before, the Doctor knows how horrible it is to die alone. “I wish I could.”

He reaches out and cups John’s face in his hands, leans forward to press a light kiss against his temple. A perfectly normal action for him that leaves John startled and confused. Ah, gender roles. “I find a good  _ allons-y  _ cheers me greatly.”

With some trouble he rises, winching at the way his dying body disagrees with the action. Soon now, very soon. He wouldn’t have long with Rose, but then he never had as long with her as he wanted.

“You’re dying too, aren’t you?” John realizes, still on the floor. “That’s why you’re here. I’m sorry. At least I know what’s to come.”

_ So do I,  _ the Doctor thinks, remembering Professor River Song in the Library with Donna. SHe knew his name. She called him  _ sweetie  _ and died so that he didn’t have to. That was something to look forward to.

“Allons-y.” he reminds John Smith. 

“Allons-y.” Smith whispers.

**Author's Note:**

> John Smith gave me lots of feelings okay


End file.
